Someday when it's me...

MEREDITH: "I can't, I can't remember our last kiss. All I could think about was 'I'm going to die today' and I can't remember our last kiss. Which is pathetic but the last time we were together and happy... I want to be able remember that. And I can't, Derek. I can't remember."
DEREK: "I'm glad you didn't die today."
[pause]
DEREK:"It was a Thursday morning, you were wearing that ratty little Dartmouth t-shirt you look so good in. The one with the hole at the back of the neck. You'd just washed you hair and smelled like some kind of... flower. I was running late for surgery, you said you were going to see me later, and you lean to me, put your hand on my chest and you kissed me. Soft. It was quick. Kind of like a habit. You know, like we'd do it everyday for the rest of our lives. Then you went back reading the newspaper and I went to work. That was the last time we kissed."

Strikingly similar to the internal conversation I had with myself a couple of days ago, minus the whole almost dying thing, time, circumstances, and dress. That may not seem to leave much, but it does. Enough for me to have thought immediately of this quote when I tried to remember the situation in my own words. I think I'm lucky to remember my last kiss, even though I didn't know at the time what it was. I will not mention which of my relationships or non-relationships it belonged to at this point - just one that's been weighing in lately. I can even give an exact date, and recall the circumstances leading up to it - one of the many benefits of my need to record the general things I do in my planner. I can look back at a date and in many situations remember more than just the event happening, but the details. Those details are very clear to me. Five more days and I will put them out of my mind. I hope that since they're recorded as usual, I'll be able to think of them again when this is over and in as much detail.

It's easy thinking this could work from my cloistered position inside my house. I find myself breathing easy concerning it until about 1 o'clock each night. Then it comes time for sleep and I get anxious again. This is a new situation for me. I am not going to be comfortable. And in five days time I'm done discussing it, even obscurely. Another new thing for me. 2007: the year of the new.

Look, it's kicking in already...I don't even want to write anymore currently. Voila.