I really feel that one of these would make everything alright...

Seriously. I think that one of these could fix anything. I had a lovely weekend and then I came home this afternoon and it's like the thunderstorm that was absolutley awesome outside work today had gotten into my head where it wasn't nearly so entertaining.

The bike race on Sunday was spectacular. I'm a nerd and I don't care. There was all this activity on Lemon Hill and the city just seemed so...healthy. We walked all over the place and despite the fact that my hips wanted to abandon the rest of my body, it was worth it. Check facebook in the near future for pictures. Yesterday was just another piece in creating the Best Life Ever.

Today though I've just been so cranky upon returning home from work. I think it's because there was so little talking at the office today. I was allowed to sit and think for far too many hours. Plan speeches and hypothetical responses. I came home and the new door we got shut on my foot and made it bleed. We didn't even have cool bandaids for it. Just plain sheer ones. I went to rehearsal where I found my part to be bland with no opportunity for real character development. Entirely forgettable and lacking in any substance. And with no singing. In a musical. I know, I know - it's a part and I should be grateful I have anything. I feel worthless in a performing sense, though. I think Greg might have said that in the coming season at La Salle I'd see myself with parts. I don't agree though. The parts in Urinetown aren't really in my range (or lack there of) and Picasso has a small cast, or so I hear. I'm starting to think I should call it a day with acting, believe it or not. She doesn't have a flame, she'd prefer to burn out like a torch - Something Corporate has a song or lyric for any mood at all I've found. This is why I love them. I need to find something that gets me excited again. Theater used to, but I'm not finding that to be the case as much anymore. I used to not be able to sit still all day before a performance and I did nothing but smile backstage before walking out. It effortlessly took all my focus, if that makes any sense. It does to me. Nothing does that anymore. Isn't this a void you're supposed to fill with volunteering? Yeah, that didn't work either. I loved Appalachia and all but I'm pretty sure it was for the wrong reasons and at any rate was far too transient. That was a word my horror-scope of the day used. All of them have been so bad for the past month or so - which isn't nearly as upsettiing as how much stock I've been putting in them in that same time period. To be rational again. I guess to just be seventeen again. I was an oddly rational yet blissfully optimistic seventeen year old. It was a good time. Glory days. Now at 20 I'm cynical and disenchanted. And these stupid entrys all end up sounding the same. As each other, as every other cynical disenchanted 20 year old's, since the beginning of time. I am painfully ordinary and just becoming painfully aware of it.

But if I had a giant hampster ball...now that would be something extraordinary.