Maybe it's best you leave me alone...

What to do, what to do.

I deal in facts. Always. I make the next logical move after careful thought and analysis. I avoid involving emotion until I deem the situation safe through careful use of logic.

I have a fact.

Rock, paper, scissors. (Cheney...Colbert, anyone?). People suggest scissors. Is this really what's best? Really? I've done it before. But it doesn't feel right this time.

It's not about what I want. What's best for me. Who knows what that is - because I sure don't. What I want is now second to what others want. Because what I want isn't an option. So I gladly take a backseat. I get tired of making decisions and first-moves. Don't I deserve to have an effort made for me? Maybe not.

People mean a lot to me. I don't believe them when they say the same to me. In my mind I have become replaceable. Unremarkable. I am content to simply be allowed to care, unreciprocated, for people. If they'll let me. But I'm thinking that people might be bothered even by that. Don't be cared for, don't care.

I'm considering a social experiment. Did you know people literally wither away if they don't have some type of physical contact - be it only a hug or a handshake? This is fascinating to me. I'm starting to think I would like to be completely self contained. I would like to beat the theory.

I had a dream last night. There was a transfer student in it I had never met. It was raining and he originally went to a school with a giant glass pyramid like the one at the Louvre. You couldn't go in it before his freshman year, though. This probably has no deeper meaning other than the fact that I should get out of the office more.

This was not written to be commented on. I'm just trying to sort things out.