'Tell me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would, I'd never leave.'

If I didn't tell you where that was from you'd never guess.

Winnie the Pooh.

Seriously.

I can't cry anymore. Not in that 'I've cried my eyes out to the point where I just don't have any tears left' way, but as in I just don't cry anymore. I haven't cried all summer. If you'd had the same summer I did you'd see why this is an interesting situation. I used to be an emotional person. But I've got this little brick wall thing going on now. I'm okay with it. Selfless, cold, and composed. Thank you Ben Folds. This is officially my motto for the school year. I know it doesn't seem likely I'll follow through but I think I finally have motivation to. It's time to grow up a little. Not get so excited, so hung up, and so over-invested in the goings on of those around me. I have learned a lot in the past few weeks. I was a silly, silly girl sophomore year. Time to start keeping secrets. No lies, just no more offering up...superfluous...information. I think I know what qualifies now. It's time to start listening. Consider it a refocusing on the resolution. Which, half a year in, has admittedly not gone to plan. But it has taken an effect that I notice. Never you mind what it is. Secrets, secrets.

In other news, my new cousin Ethan is precious. I just can't get over him. I'm a baby person, but this is out of control. He's just this miniature but perfect little person. And one day he wasn't there and the next he was. Doesn't this amaze anyone else? I got two hours of unshared baby time on Thursday. It was bliss. I fed him and changed his outfit and rocked him to sleep. Everything he does is fascinating. He was crying this pitiful little wail, quivering lip and all, and it wasn't frustrating, at least not yet. It's so new - let him test things out. He has these huge eyes which are seeing everything for the very first time. He kept waking himself up as I rocked him and looking around like he was scared he would miss something. He knows nothing but unconditional love right now. I would like to keep him that way. He fell asleep with his whole hand wrapped around the top half of my little finger. He looked so peaceful. I would wager my face is not so free of expression when I sleep. I stand to learn something from him.

Hush now baby don't you cry;
Rest your wings my butterfly.
Peace will come to you in time
And I will sing this lullaby...