"You're it..."

i've been hit...

current top six in no particular order and subject to change by tomorrow:
1.Vienna - The Fray
2.Heroine - Something Corporate (the slow pretty version of Punk Rock Princess)
3. She's Got a Way - Billy Joel
4. Feels Like Rain - Motion City Soundtrack
5. Someone to Fall Back On - Jason Robert Brown
6. Am I Wrong? - Brand New

Tagging...
Kate
Liz
Doug
Mark
Creed
Feesh (should either of the last two read this)

still promising that really entry soon

"Make new friends, but keep the old..."

That song is fitting in so many ways for me right now.

Last night I partook in something that I thought would never happen again. Ever. At around 10 PM last night, the three girls that I was attached to through eighth grade and I went out to a diner together. We hadn't had time with just the four of us really since seventh grade when we added two new people to our little clique, and hadn't all been together at all since the summer before our sophomore year when we went to London with our girl scout troop (Reason #1 why the title fits). That's four years. I went to high school with Collette and Kristen, while Jenna went to public school. J was my best, and Kristen and Collette had each other, save for a small blip freshman year. I was the only one who really talked to everybody, and even that was rarely. So when Kris IM's me out of the blue one day to ask if I'd read a book in a series we were both into, I was a little surprised - but compelled to get together.

You see, these girls were my life from 5th through 8th grade. We had things in common. of course. All ridiculously involved, smart, cute (well, they were...I was in my awkward stage), and such. But God we were so different, too. Collette was the athlete, an amazing soccer player from the outset and the most outgoing of the group. Then there was Kristen, Collette's best friend, the quietest of the group, but with the best taste in just about everything. Jenna was the politician, the go-getter, and the singer. And then there was me - the smart one of the smart ones, the good girl of the good girls, and the actor. And we were always together - our talent show numbers stopped everything. We found out later we sent girls crying to the guidance counselor because they wanted to be part of "The Six" (the four previously mentioned, and then our other two bests Sarah, the feisty one and the one who definitely had to deal with the most shit, and Candace, our little rebel). We had no idea. It's not that we meant to be so exclusive, we were just best friends. And never were we outright mean, maybe just a little too into our own little inside jokes to notice if people were trying to be with us. Besides, you needed to approach us in pairs so as not to offset the balance, of course. But before there were six, there were four. And we were so close - interchangeable for the most part on our little play dates. I remember afternoons at Kris's using yarn in her room to play Entrapment and pretending to avoid tripping alarm systems, picnic's in her back yard with American girls, and dancing to Titanic in her den. I remember sleepovers in Collette's RV...in her garage, her huge closets in her beautiful house, and the fact that she was always the one who swore she would stay up latest but the first to pass out. There was going to the beach with Jen (a tradition that still holds with the two of us), hanging out in her basement, and her bowling birthdays. And there was my house, the pool, the parents always willing to give rides and provide food. We spent all our time together. We took over student council in 8th grade, we had an amazing dance routine for the talent show - and then we had drama.

We were the group that could hangout with any of the guys, which was cool but inevitably caused trouble. J and Let liked the same guy, who was Let;'s boyfriend. Things other than that got competitive for the first time. And by the time we graduated, we were not really as close as we should have been. I remember being devastated. I never did do change. And everything was falling down around me. My best friends didn't talk anymore, but I talked to all of them. I would cry - "why can't we just stay best friends?" - and they couldn't understand why I wouldn't let go. Eventually I did, and have since perfected the art of cutting people off when they hurt me. It's my defense - and I'm damn good at it. So high school happened. Let, Kris, and I had the occasional class together, and we were friendly, but never hung out outside of school. J and I stayed close, but barely ever saw each other, what with both our ridiculous schedules. She didn't talk to the other two. Effectively, our friendship was dissolved.

And yet, something stuck. As we grow up, we are more mature about things. For example, if someone is in a fight with one of our friends, we don't necessarily freak out and stop talking to that person. You acknowledge, the situation, yes, but in most cases, you realize that it is not your fight, and you continue to carry on with that person, and the said friend is okay with that. That's how it with my high school and college friends anyway. But to this day, let anyone say anything about my grade school girls and I am down their throat, screaming "You don't know them! Shut up because you don't know." It doesn't matter that I haven't seen them or talked to them in months or years, I will always defend them, almost irrationally. And last night I came to find out I wasn't alone.

We met at the diner, showing up in two cars, though it wasn't planned that each set of bests would show up together, it's just how things happened. I laughed as they walked up, because we were each dressed differently in ways that just projected our personalities. Collette was in a sport tank top, Kris was model-esque with out even trying, Jen was all business in a dressy top and skirt, having come from a town meeting, and I was in chucks, and cargo khakis with a black top, looking exceptionally artsy for some reason, having just come from play practice. From that second on, I knew it was going to be fine, because somethings never change. We sat down and began with catching each other up on college stories. They were proud of Jen for her...maturation?...at school, and not disappointed, but sighed at my lack of progress - yet pleased with my consistency. Story of my life. We talked til 11 when the one diner in Jersey that closes was closing, then went back to J's where we talked until 2:30 in the morning about past present and future. It was beautiful. It was like we had never skipped a beat. I knew that's how it always was between Jenna and I, but it didn't occur to me that his was how it would be with all of us, too. It was so relaxed. Amazing to see how some of our experiences paralleled each other. Finally, we headed home, and with a fitting end to the night Let couldn't find her keys for awhile. So wonderfully typical. We swore we would do this again very soon.

And I hope to God we do. I've missed my forever friends.

"I can't believe I went out with a kleptomaniac..."

Ah, good song in honor of my stealing things again from Sara Allen...I can't help it. Nothing to do at work already and its only quater of 9? Yup, it was necessary. So with out further ado - the Name Game.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: Joyce South Arthur
(middle name and current street name)

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: Patricia Hersheysbarwithalmonds (emphasis on the 'bar')
(grandfather/grandmother on your dad's side, your favorite candy)

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: P-Woo (Hollerrrrr)
(first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your last name)

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: "Pygmy" Marmoset Green
(favorite animal, favorite color)

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: Joyce Willingboro
(middle name, city where you were born)

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: Woolorcha (<~~ my Star Wars name kicks your Star Wars
name's ass)
(first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)

7. JEDI NAME: EcyojRediehcsrol (...pronounced?)
(middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards)

8. PORN STAR NAME: Shelby South Arthur(...oww oww)
(first pet, street you grew up on)

9. SUPERHERO NAME: The Green Durango (I feel like I should be in a western...)
("The", your favorite color, the automobile your parents drive)


and 5 minutes later I'm back with nothing to do...perhaps a real entry later.

"I am not anyone's wildest dreams but...I'll be someone to fall back on..."

If you have not heard anything by Jason Robert Brown - change this immediately. I'll get back to this topic soon, but I just had to get that out there.

So life is carrying along pretty nicely currently. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a streak! Sweet. Actually, I didn't think much had happened between my last entry and this one, but in reflecting - and filling in my calendar - I have found that I was mistaken. Let's recap, shall we? Wednesday, J and I went out for a bit of a celebratory lunch in honor of The Matchmaker announcement. TGIFriday's all around. That evening, the two of us and her dad and sister went to go see The Omen. Meh. It was alright. It didn't scare me all that much, which is saying a lot, being as I frighten easily. Julia Stiles was a bad choice. Mia Farrow was a good choice. See it, don't see it - you'll be fine either way. Next big day was Friday. I watched the clouds all day, praying and wishing and bartering with God that it would stay sunny out. Naturally, it was a beautiful day until 4:00 when a freaking tornado thing rolled in. It was pouring and lightening and wind-ing and yeah. Why was it imperative that the weather be nice and a disaster when it wasn't? My babies were graduating from Holy Cross. And I'd be damned before I missed it. If it was nice and outside, it wouldn't be an issue. Should it rain and be moved inside, however, SOMEONE wasn't going to have a very nice graduation party because MOM-MOM was gonna be found in the bathroom with a shoelace around her neck so that little Miss Woodward could get a ticket and see her lovies walk. So as it stormed, I got dressed up and planned how I was getting in. Several options came quickly to mind:

Plan A: Nanna Go Nahnies - see above
Plan B: Sing, My Angel of Music - get former music teacher, now friend Ray-Ray to let me sit in the pit with Music Ministry
Plan C: Lights - Sneek up to the spotlight room and watch from there
Plan D: Camera - Show up with my digital camera and handy-dandy La Salle ACE business card and say I was there to take pictures and write a piece on the 23 members of the class of 2006 that would be headed to La Salle in the fall.
Plan E: Action - Bring my old HC uniform and blend in with the student workers.

I was seriously going to try these things. I was personally quite fond of plans D and E. Fortunately, however, the clouds parted as I arrived at the school and parents were streaming out of the auditorium and headed to the football field. From there, Bill and I watched Chris, Niko, Matt Becker, and the others grow up. I was so proud. I'm such a mom - those were my kids out there. I wrote them all cards that hopefully started to express how much they meant to me. Sappy, sappy, sappy. Anyway, Saturday I woke up at - get this - 6 AM...and happily. I was helping at a walk for autism research. I can't begin to tell you how excited I was. Or why. It just was something I was really looking forward to. So a couple of us from the high school crew and then some college friends of Feesh and Joe all worked together, first being the tape crew, and then directing the walkers. They were all really nice, and I got two T-shirts and a big bag out of it. Loooove volunteering. Went to a graduation party and then almost, almost got to see Liz. That fell thorugh last minute though...damnit. So I went with J to see Matt Duke. Insert swoon here. Lord, he's amazing. He talked to us afterwards, and he and J seemed to hit it off. I was jealous, but hey - share the love. And then, as if I didn't have enough lovely music on Saturday, last night it was off to NYC to see Jason Robert Brown. I wasn't all that familiar with him to begin with. I knew he'd written music for The Last Five Years, Parade, and A Brave New World, but I'd never really heard any of it. So I went with Creed, her sister, and their friend Cherie to The Birdland Jazz Club, where, I have to say I felt sooo sophisticated really classy, with about 150 people at most. We had listened to a little JRB on the way up - stuff from his CD Someone Else's Clothes - so I was a little better aqauinted. But, God, what a performer. He plays piano and sings. There was so much energy and he was just so into it and aaah. Yeah, loved it. So check it out. He's also writing two new shows - 13 with the guy who directed Camp (who, coincidently, held the door for me last night), and Honeymoon in Vegas based on the Nicholas Cage/ Sarah Jessica Parker movie. He and a friend performed one of the songs from it and oh man - I would love to audition with it. We'll see. Anyway, it was amazing, and I have a new person to add to my favorite artists. And you should, too. Work today was the usual, aside from a trip to Dittmore (cue horror movie noises). My God, that place is terrifying. Jo Anna and I saw maaajor potential for at least a scary movie trailer to be filmed in there. I can't wait. Tomorrow holds my first Matchmaker rehearsal - I'm way excited.

My little music as life thing is on my xanga - fairly dead on - sooo scary. To close, a game:
5 Guilty Pleasures
1. Updating my planner...even after a day has passed - I need, need, need to write down what I did on that day. I guess in this vein, numbering the days of my relationships when I cross out what day it is. So obsessive, I know, but it's my OCD, leave me be.
2. Making sure my ears are clean - by far my favorite post-shower ritual. Q-Tips are a gift from God.
3. Sudoku - It's gotten to the point where I have to do one before I go to sleep at night.
4. Keeping my Buddy List alphabetized...and reading away messages - don't act like you don't do the same thing
5. Napping in the middle of the afternoon for unnecessarily long amounts of time - I know I won't sleep at night and I know I'm wasting a good portion of the day, but it's so niiiice.

Tag - you're it.

"I will dance so freely holding on to no one..."

My heart feels squiggly inside...I don't know why.

So I've started to fall back in love with New Jersey. Scratch that - I've started to fall back in love with summer. Being around the girls again is doing me good. I missed them more than I would admit. Saw two of them last night near midnight - not low. Took it well for me...and they're beginning to get that. I like that we're reaching this point. Here's to middle ground. Work has been fantastic. Much to Schu's lament, we're bonding - she, Annie, and I are getting along really well, as are Mark, Rachel, and Diana. Since the bosses have been away and work came to a screeching halt - first due to lack of paperwork and today because of a downed server - we spent two days eating on the university dollar and watching Grey's Anatomy in the lobby. And as if I didn't get enough there, I've just finished watching the episodes from season two I didn't see - behold the power of the internet. I am way too emotionally attached to this show.

And in perhaps the biggest and most surprising news of the summer thus far, I'm in another show. I decided to audition, on a whim and a suggestion from Matt, my costar in Footloose ::shudder::. It was for the Intern Company's production of The Matchmaker - the straight show Hello, Dolly was based on. This company sounded really interesting...like the Masque but even more - you learn about all aspects of theater. Actors don't just get away with being actors - they're learning to design sets, finding out what goes into a performance before and during a show. It sounds like exactly what I'm looking for at this point. Of course I didn't know that going into it. I decided to audition the morning of, thinking what the hell? So I read through the suggested scenes once before getting asked to go to a baseball game with Jen, got back an hour before, cleaned up a little, typed up a quick resume, re-read, and headed out. I didn't go in thinking I stood any chance - I knew I was unprepared. Just how unprepared became clear very quickly. These kids - and I do mean kids, as the Intern Company is only open to 15-22 year olds - were amazing. I felt so out of my league, to be honest. They had head shots and credentials and what do I have? Last minute preparations. I wasn't expecting a thing though - at least I would get some experience auditioning for community theater. So I watched these 30 or so girls audition for six parts and I was floored. Absolutely fantastic, and I really do mean all but a couple. I didn't like how I read for my first character - Minnie Fay, but I didn't really like the scene all that much either. As I was waiting for my name to be called to do an on-the-spot with a scene, I started to get attached to a character which, as anyone who knows me will say, I hate doing - it only leads to trouble. Ermengarde. It's silly - there was just one line that I knew I could do from that scene different than the others were doing it...what's even more is it was just one word. "Where?". I knew I could make it work. So I was thrilled when I got assigned that scene. The thing was, I didn't feel like I'd done anything else with the part. Just that word. And it had the effect I'd thought it would. Just a little giggle and murmur from the other people. But an audition doesn't turn on one word...right? Wrong, apparently. And apparently I underestimated the audition. I got a call today from the director asking if I would accept the part of Ermengarde. I asked him if I could be excited. He said it was a free country. So I was excited. But more shocked. I wonder if people think I fake my attitude. But it was real as I worried to myself all day that I wouldn't be able to check my email with the server down to get the rejection Kevin was sending out. I didn't even take my phone with me. I just wonder when I will maybe see myself as legit. Stop writing myself off. Now I'm desperate for a cast list. I know Matt got Cornelius, the part he wanted, and Meg - my protege from Cross - is Minnie Fay - and I couldn't be happier for her...or proud. But there were a few more Cross people who went out that I'm pulling for. My original theater family. Selfish, I know, and I am looking forward to meeting new people. But I still have my fingers crossed. That said, I'm actually really excited about this.

And yet this evening I got that squiggly feeling. You know the one, I'm sure. It feels like not only did your rib cage shrink in on your internal organs, but there are a hundred worms that have taken up residence right in the middle. In your heart. It's so strange - it's a happy day. But then I was watching an episode of Grey's and the next thing I knew I was in tears. And I can't blame horomones, so don't suggest. Why? I'm happy. The happiest overall I've been in months - since winter of my senior year, I'd wager. The pieces of me are back together. Except for one. He's missing. And no, there is not a particular "he". I don't even know if I've met him. I just miss being in love. Even the shitty parts where you can't sleep at night because you want them to be thinking about you so bad, or where you know they don't reciprocate. Cuz through the pain, you know you're alive. I don't have that now. Not even a crush, really. So a little part of me feels empty - less alive, and less human. I'm in love with love. Who isn't, though, right? And with all that I've got going for me lately, who am I to complain? Things are on the upswing - and I'll be damned if I miss out on one more day being upset - I did enough of that in the past 12 months. With so much to be happy about, why waste time on the other things? It will all fall into place with time.

"Where?"