Read Me

New links. Self-centered, so typical. Don't like yours, just say so - I'll try again.

The Eagles played like crap tonight. I will be highly disappointed if the whole season looks like that. I don't think it will though. I would not be disappointed, however, if all males looked like Jeremy Bloom, Kevin Curtis, or Stuart Bradley.

'Smile' is over. I'm only sad about it now as a result of probably the last two days. It took me that long to click with the cast. The cast part was wonderful. Team Swayze. Scorpius the Cat. My dark future. Perfect distancing. Car lines through Wendy's. SWAT teams for ziti. Escape Plan C. Pinwheels to look for meteor showers. The Wooden Feet. - inside jokes I don't mind you not getting. I will miss working with the kids again. I was growing accustomed to being the motherly (read: creepy) elder cast member. So much talent, though my wish for many of you is focus to match it. I brought home three new dresses from set strike. They are ridiculous. I will get at least one wear from each.


Things that should give me perspective don't. Further proof I am dead inside.

I'm reading Wuthering Heights and loving it. Heathcliff and I would have an awesome discussion should we find ourselves lying in a field stargazing. Cynical about my favorite and least favorite topic. When did I stop being unfazedly happy for others? I should work on faking it.

Also, stop checking. Accordingly, stop guessing. Additionally, stop caring one way or another.

But about those links, I hope they don't bother anyone. I didn't mean it.

Things I learned tonight:

~Tickle Me Elmos are inappropriate.

~Bitchy J and Dobby Elijah are perfectly acceptable names for Jewish, moonwalking children.

~A circle and two lines is all you need to draw an astronaut.

~The new Mall Madness sucks, but Dreamphone will never die.

~Jenna Marie only associates with one type of person because I have another version of myself attending American University.

~I couldn't be happier about it.

I laughed until my chest hurt. Or that could be because when Jessie and I hug (over things like having the same random poses or a love for long winded scenarios to supplement life) they get squished because we are the same height.

It's good to know that when I'm not around when J goes to college, I actually still am.

'Tell me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would, I'd never leave.'

If I didn't tell you where that was from you'd never guess.

Winnie the Pooh.

Seriously.

I can't cry anymore. Not in that 'I've cried my eyes out to the point where I just don't have any tears left' way, but as in I just don't cry anymore. I haven't cried all summer. If you'd had the same summer I did you'd see why this is an interesting situation. I used to be an emotional person. But I've got this little brick wall thing going on now. I'm okay with it. Selfless, cold, and composed. Thank you Ben Folds. This is officially my motto for the school year. I know it doesn't seem likely I'll follow through but I think I finally have motivation to. It's time to grow up a little. Not get so excited, so hung up, and so over-invested in the goings on of those around me. I have learned a lot in the past few weeks. I was a silly, silly girl sophomore year. Time to start keeping secrets. No lies, just no more offering up...superfluous...information. I think I know what qualifies now. It's time to start listening. Consider it a refocusing on the resolution. Which, half a year in, has admittedly not gone to plan. But it has taken an effect that I notice. Never you mind what it is. Secrets, secrets.

In other news, my new cousin Ethan is precious. I just can't get over him. I'm a baby person, but this is out of control. He's just this miniature but perfect little person. And one day he wasn't there and the next he was. Doesn't this amaze anyone else? I got two hours of unshared baby time on Thursday. It was bliss. I fed him and changed his outfit and rocked him to sleep. Everything he does is fascinating. He was crying this pitiful little wail, quivering lip and all, and it wasn't frustrating, at least not yet. It's so new - let him test things out. He has these huge eyes which are seeing everything for the very first time. He kept waking himself up as I rocked him and looking around like he was scared he would miss something. He knows nothing but unconditional love right now. I would like to keep him that way. He fell asleep with his whole hand wrapped around the top half of my little finger. He looked so peaceful. I would wager my face is not so free of expression when I sleep. I stand to learn something from him.

Hush now baby don't you cry;
Rest your wings my butterfly.
Peace will come to you in time
And I will sing this lullaby...